Holy...

If you have to ask if its too early for a drink.. Then you're an amateur and and we can't be...

Thanks for coming in early and staying late because I have kids and you don't. (for the reco...

Does anyone else feel this way??

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out o...

If you want to drive a girl insane simply delete her Pinterest page. It's like destroying her me...

My thoughts: When speaking face to face with a friend, do you sit there in silence refusing to speak...

I lose track of how many times a day I'd like to turn to someone and say 'you can't seri...

Congrats! You were successful at eating too much today!

I don't always lose my phone... but when I do, it's always on silent.

I liked your recent posting on FB but not enough to get so many notifications about what your other ...

And then I told him, 'laundry is a hard limit'. Lol...I serious laughed out loud when I read...

New God Rule... 'thou shalt not post religious and moral quotes that yee do not live'. Your ...

I realized today that too many of my conversations start with, 'I saw this thing on Pinterest......

Search results for 'hypocritical' Ecards from Free and Funny cards and hilarious Posts | som...

Congratulations on successfully wasting my time.

....and getting annoyed when the DJ talked over half the song! Suddenly feeling old.

Allow me to place you on a brief hold while I shoot myself in the face.

Most girls look forward to February because of Valentine's Day... I'm just over here like, &...

This is what they call passive aggression. It's okay if you admit it.

Funny TV Ecard: I'm sorry for all my 'Doctor Who' references. But I'm more sorry tha...

Going to church doesn't make you a christian, anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car

Yeah, this made me laugh... I'm sure I'm a horrible person.

Here's your new email signature. With human resources constantly going on about their silly rule...

"I'm well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today." This is when you know i...

The best way to wrap on Christmas Eve - is with a bottle of wine!

That thing I finally said that offended you so badly was the least offensive thing I was thinking.

'I'd like a Diet Coke please.' 'Is Diet Pepsi okay?' 'Is Monopoly money okay...

I have found someone that knows I am not perfect, yet stares at me like I am.

Thank you for updating Facebook again with what you ate for dinner. The suspense was killing me.

Horrify everyone you know with this stitched-lip Halloween makeup tutorial.

Dating criteria: Can you spell? Can you read? Do you know how to use irregardless in a sentence? You...

This is me until our construction is over, the dust, the noise, the tired and cranky kids...it needs...

We'll always be best friends because you already know too much. Call me!

LOL!!!!!

If me being a positive person offends you... Please, have a wonderful day!

A man has two options in a relationship: Either STAND UP and be the man she needs or SIT DOWN, so sh...

Wow i can't wait to work on saturday said no one ever.

Funny Apology Ecard: I'd be happy to pick you up at the airport - but the trunk of my car is ful...

Don't mistake my cuteness for weakness. I will terrorize you and turn this house upside down lik...

Going to church doesn't make you a good person. Actually being a good person does.

You hide crazy like a bikini hides an extra 45 pounds.

I work 365 days a year with no sick days, lunch breaks, vacation time or adult interaction. Tell me ...

On a Scale of 0-10, with 10 being the absolute WORST pain imaginble... Would you say that Nursing Sc...

haha

My heart says cheese dip, but my jeans say, for the love of God woman eat some celery! | Cry For Hel...

I never really thought about this, but I get it a lot from men while I'm just working. I have ne...

The only honest people in the world are small children and drunk people.

I'm thankful for holidays that don't force me to reflect on being thankful.

Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.